Weeds of Bitterness

It is interesting that late last night I found a blog that totally meshed with what I had been reading in the Ensign earlier that day.
This is what I read on Donna' Quiet Life:

Kim at Upward Call has written an excellent piece on bitterness.... Just yesterday the chapter I was reading in Called to be his Help Meet mentioned the effects of a bitter heart. It really does start small and grow like a nasty weed. Before you know it the weeds have taken over the garden.

Guard your hearts, young ones...

The weeds are much easier to pick when they are small and few.

We're to be tenderhearted, forgiving, and kind. The only way to prevent bitterness is to let go of whatever is causing the bitterness. It means we must accept what God has for us, and trust Him. It means that we must forgive those who have hurt us.
Kim


This is the comment I left to Kim:

Dear Kim-

I was going from one blog to another, thinking I was wasting time that I should be spending on building the businesses I am trying to get off the ground, but it seems God was leading me because each blog became more and more meaningful.

I was reading some things earlier today about this topic. Adversity that doesn't seem to end and how to cope. The article I was reading pointed out how we must endure and not be like the people mentioned in Job who "cursed God and died."

I have been feeling soo bitter. So angry with God. You said it so well in this post of yours. I know how to forgive others. I learned about forgiving my husband long ago as a young wife. I had soo many inflated expectations. Of course my husband didn't meet them. I went through bitterness toward him and through God's grace learned to forgive him and others. Nobody's perfect. We have to give it to God, and look at the mote in our own eye. I am not perfect at this, but I have truly grown in this area, and have much peace.

I know I still need to learn to forgive myself. But right now I need to learn how to repent and forgive God. I am having soo much difficulty acceping what God has for us. We are struggling so badly and I just can't keep from wondering "HOW LONG CAN THIS GO ON?" I know God could open the windows of heaven and change our lives. But He doesn't. He is withholding and I just don't know how long I can hold on. Temptation is at my heels. It frightens me that I could actually be mad at God.

I know I need to be more thankful, but I am so scared for our future. We need to get financially stable, and time is not on our side. How long can my husband work so hard? We have no retirement, no medical insurance, no home of our own. I guess what makes me mad is I thought that by having all of these kids I was doing God's will. Why then won't He provide us with a home of our own? It is frightening being vulnerable to homelessness. It is overwhelming not being able to meet all of our needs all of the time. It is depressing living among chaos and instability.

enough said. Do you have any suggestions for how to forgive God? How to trust that we will get through? I need to find peace, need to have peace and happiness with what we have, but how? A labotomy? Don't think so.

susan

P.S Have you overcome bitterness? What are your suggestions for me?

Inspiring blogs

Even though I wanted to be working on the businesses I am trying to get off the ground, in an effort to help us get some momentum toward financial stability, I spent my time on the computer reading some blogs. Which may have been a waste if I hadn't found some inspiring blogs. The following is from Donna of the Quiet Life. This was very timely reading as I know that I our family is getting out of control, wandering off the path of peace into chaos and contention. I get so overwhelmed by all the kids in such close quarters, living in this teeny-tiny shoe of a home. I need to find peace in my heart. I need to have a quietness in my soul, through faith. I need to hush the loud voice of contention and silently listen to God. To become silent.... to apologize more, have less pride, be more patient, more faithful, more thankful.- Susan

PEOPLE cannot become perfect by dint of hearing or reading about perfection. The chief thing is not to listen to yourself, but silently to listen to God. Talk little and do much, without caring to be seen. God will teach you more than all the most experienced persons or the most spiritual books can do. You already know a great deal more than you practice. You do not need the acquirement of fresh knowledge half so much as to put in practice that which you already possess.

FRANCOIS DE LA MOTHE FÃNELON
1651-1715

"Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life and attend to your own business and work with your hands...." 1 Thessalonians 4:11

A Nice Coversation

It is interesting that I found Jo's blog tonight. I had a nice coversation with a pregnant woman today about sling wearing, homebirth, homeschool and "getting away" from one's kids. I have copied and pasted some of the things that touched me most from Jo's blogs, and which run along with what I was saying to Val, the pregnant lady.

JO:

{Mostly, though, the struggles with being an at home mom revolved around getting the 70's feminist rhetoric out of my *own* head. }

{We have several generations of medical providers who have been birthed in a very medicalized pregnancy, labor and birth environment. The process has been culturalized with fear. Most media presents birth with urgency. We have lost the reality that conception, pregnancy, labor and birth are designed to *work*. Certainly exceptions to that exist. But they don't exist in the abudance that our culture represents.}

{Learning to live day in and day out with children in our culture requires practice and discipline. Success is not determined by having a personality drawn to children "Oh, I could never do that. We have too many struggles" is born of our culture - not of reality. The *reality* is that learning to live happily with the mess, noise, neediness, chaos, challenge and constantness of children requires training. Ideally, that training should be Proverbs 31 inspired. }

Why Do Some Trials Continue

I just read this article: (click on the title above to read it.)

These are my thoughts:

This article moved me to the deepest, darkest depths of my broken soul. I cannot explain how forsaken I feel at times. And frighteningly, I have even fought feelings of anger toward God. Wondering why I cannot break free of the fetters and shackles dragging my soul to hell. Wondering also, what it will take to realize our goals and break free from this bondage of severe financial distress.

But I know that my patriarchial blessing promises that I WILL OWN MY OWN LAND. But when? When will we have our home, the home that my family and I are soo longing for? And how will it happen that my husband and I will live more obediently when our "broken" natures interferes with this, and therefore interferes with Heavenly Father opening the windows of heaven and pouring out His blessings.

I wonder if my weakenesses will Ever become my strenghts. I feel like I would need a labotomy in order to change. My broken nature keeps me from having the peace and patience that my dear husband has with our children. He should be the one homeschooling them, not me! So often I fee that I am probably one of the last women in the world who should be homeschooling!

It is such a relief to read this article and know that others feel similarly about their trials.
This aritcle reassures me that HE DOES CARE! And that there is purpose in my feeling sooo inept, and that I can survive.

Susana

Midwives for Life

I was going to get off-line, but then I read Lori's post on her blog about Midwives for Life. I loved it! She is such an amazingly real person. Read her post. I bet you'll love it, too!

Plans for Audio Blog

Learning about this blogging is interesting. I first learned about blogging from my friend Lori. She suggested I do an audio blog. You see, I have called her several times and sang some of the songs I have written to her.

Now, you know that she must be a true friend, to not have disowned me after that! (God has given me many abilities, but singing is not one of them! )

When Lori mentioned blogging, I wasn't sure I was interested then. Now, I am! Although my voice isn't angelic, (I'll get my daughter to sing with me and that'll be better:) I am gonna try to record an audio blog this weekend. I would like to share one of my lullabies that the kids request whenever I sing to them. It would thrill me to know other moms were singing my song to their babies! And yes, Lori told me she sings one of my songs to her beautiful baby Evelina, praise the Lord.

Susan's Homespun Life

It's nearly 12:00a.m., my usual time for workin' on the computer. All six children are FINALLY asleep, (after a late night due to the kids' baseball/softball practice) and now that I am exhausted, I have some time to work on my stuff. What is my 'stuff'? For one, my websites. And, I guess, from now on I'll be eeking out some time for blogging!