Some Things My Husband Has Done Right As A Father

I'd be the first to admit that I don't praise my husband as much as I probably should. Okay, honestly, I'd be the second one to admit it. My husband would be the first! (Yes, this is just ONE of my weaknesses as a wife, sigh.) I am praising his fathering right now with the following list:

1. My husband has always supported me in my mothering. He has worked hard so that I can stay home with the children. When times were tough and I felt like I should work outside of the home, he has always discouraged this.

2. He has always encouraged me. Through all of the breastfeeding, co-sleeping and bonding he has never gotten jealous or expected me to keep the house up (even though I do!) Instead he has always lifted my spirits and praised me when I am feeling low, worn out, or defeated. He always been focused on what the priorities in life are and he anchors me.

3. Through all of our struggles he has been a faithful example that God provides.

4. When one of the children start to act up more than usual he has always considered this his que to spend more time with that child.

5. He has shared with the children his love of music and instruments, and his natural talent too.

6. His family has always come before friends, work or anything else.

7. Even after a hard day at work, he spends time with the kids. When he is really worn out, he has this habit of spending a few minutes in the car to wind down and prepare before entering the house when all the kids yell, "Daddy's home!" and he is bombarded at the door. Recently, after weeks of working without a day off, he took one day to take the little ones to the zoo. That's a great dad!

8. Though he doesn't attend with us, he supports me in taking the children to church every Sunday.

9. He has always been pro-home school and when I feel I can't handle it, he encourages me and helps figure out ways to make things better.

10. Let me give you an example of this point: After a days work, at night, on a bucket, in the yard, in freezing temperatures, with snow on the ground, wearing a catcher's mask and a baseball glove. His dedication to the kids' sports is awesome.

11. He has taught them to love animals in a way that I couldn't.

12. Tickle time, playing chase, monster, and goofing off at the table! Yes, dad is always good for a laugh!

Read my post: Some Of The Things I've Done Right As A Mother

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Some Things I've Done Right As A Mother

I know all my weaknesses and mistakes, and I readily rake myself for them. Today I am going to make a list of the things I have done right in raising my 7 kids. These are a few things I can pat myself on the back for ;)

(Of course my husband is part of this list, but I am specifically mentioning my part in these things. I could make up a list of the things he's done right... I guess I will make that the topic of my next post!)

1. I have never bought my kids candy while in line at the Supermarket. Therefore, they have never threw a tantrum over it. Yeah, score one point for me!

2. I have always tried to read and sing to my children at night.

3. I have taught them to thank God for their blessings.

4. We have diligently monitored the amount and the content on TV. (We have especially worked to teach the children to skip all commercials as they usually worse than the programs.) Therefore, the kids can play for hours without the boob-tube.

5. I have nurtured all of the children, (which has prevented behavioral problems) but one in particular has been saved lots of trouble because I never allowed him to spend much time playing video games.

6. All of our children LOVE to read. I think this is directly related to the fact that I have spent hours reading to them as well as listening to them read.

7. As a family we have always spent quality time together. We have not spent time being entertained, like going to the movies, but rather we enjoy walks on the beach, making sand castles, playing hockey in the street, bike riding, or baseball out back. Inside we play games, make things together, and listen to and make music. Where ever we've lived we have always done what we could to enjoy the outdoors and one another's company.

8. Our kids love to draw and readily spend hours making creations. I think seeing me work on my own art has encouraged this.

9. They can appreciate a good bargain! All the times we've scoured thrift shops, auctions, and yard sales has helped them to understand the value of things and get the most for their money.

10. Though we've always had to work within our budget, where ever we've lived, I have always tried to introduce them to new foods. In Colorado we would go to the organic market and order a little of this and that and then we'd dine with the flat irons in view. In California I took them to try Japanese, Chinese, Middle Eastern, Mexican and Peruvian food. Not only has this helped them to try new foods, it has introduced them to new cultures.

11. I have always taken part in their interests. If they are studying piano, I try it too. If they are drawing, I'll draw with them. If they are writing, I will proof read it. If they are doing sports, my husband and I will practice with them. We've even coached their teams. Once when we were one of our son's coaches, and our van broke down, I even went the extra mile by lugging the kids and all their gear on the bus. Then I carried the gear and walked with 4 kids and a baby for about a mile while my husband was at work. Yeah, I've sacrificed for them!!!

12. I give myself 100% to our babies. I nurse them and co-sleep and keep them in arms. I am great with babies. When they are around 2 and they can say "No," that's when I say, "Go to your father!" ;)

Over the years I feel that I have given so much of myself and spent so much time being involved with the children in one activity or the other. I once lamented to my husband that the children won't remember all of the things that I have done with them (I guess this is one good reason to write a journal!) Thinking of this made me sad. He encouraged me by pointing out that although they may not remember every moment, or even most of the things we've done together, it is part of the fabric of their being. All of the time spent with them makes up the core of who they are. I hope he is right!

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Motherhood and Childrearing: Enduring to the End

Enduring to the end. It is an interesting topic, one that I have discussed with several friends. It seems many parents of large families go through the same thing: When the eldest children become teens, we still have little ones to teach, care for, provide for and dote on. This seems to become difficult to do as there is a part of us that wants to move on, to achieve some personal goals, to do new things. But alas, we still have years of parenting left.

So what are we to do?? The right thing is to focus on the task at hand, which is giving as much of ourselves to our little ones as we did the eldest. Of course, in large families the elder children can help with the rearing of their siblings, but nothing replaces one-on-one time with Mom and Dad.

Yes, God wants us to continue sacrificing on behalf of our children and put off the desires we have for fame, fortune and freedom.

I recently had to deal with this burnout and had to put myself in check. After some angst over it, I have found peace. What helped me find peace? Counting my blessings and realizing just how much I am needed by this family and each and every child that I have. Remembering that there is no success greater than that achieved at home.

So I am working on giving more of myself to the little ones doing all those things I did with the eldest: reading, singing and teaching them. There is nothing God wants more from me than to have these moments with my kids and overcome the opposition that beckons me to give up prematurely on my parenting duties and seek my own gratification. God wants me to enjoy the simple, soul touching moments of motherhood, which provide my soul with the light of Christ (joy) and not things that are fake replacements that so many women are enticed by like shopping, self-adorning, gaining recognition and other materialistic pursuits.

Does this mean that I can have no interests? I don't think so. It just means that I have to temper my zeal to make an impact on the world at large. I think it also means having interests that can involve my children, like playing the guitar, art, gardening, etc.

What are your thoughts?

A Movie and Book Warning: Marley & Me and Wicked

Personally, I don't buy into the rating system that says 13 year old kids are ready for Hollywood's crud. Therefore, I don't even let my 16 year old watch rated pg 13, unless I have approved it or given instructions for skipping scenes. (I'd really like to try the Clear Play filtering equipment someday.) Although I had heard of it before, I plan on utilizing Kids In Mind and hopefully it will become a habit to check out their ratings.

I was emailed the following review of the movie Marley & Me. The review below was written by a mother of two young children who was upset by the PG movie rating and its being considered a comedy.

Before you read the forwarded email message I received about Marley & Me, I would like to offer my own warning to you about the book Wicked. Please DO NOT allow your children/daughters to read Wicked (the book about the Wicked Witch from Wizard of Oz.)
This is the most heinous book!! I am SOOOOO forever glad that I pre-read it and my daughter didn't get that awful, disgusting, twisted junk in her head. And just because the play and the cd are "clean" I still will not buy either and thankfully my daughter has no interest either. The only reason this book was being considered as reading material for my daughter is that it was given to her as a gift. I across the board stay away from witch and vampire stories.

Here is just one review about Wicked from Amazon.com:

It did provide me with the information I desired, but I had to sift through a lot of "sludge" to get it. This book should be rated "R". It's descriptive talk of the various sex scenes is disgusting.... Though the book as a whole is not like that, there are several chapters that are just written pornography. I don't recommend this book to anyone; especially minors.

This is the review of Marley & Me:

I took my kids to see this yesterday for my 6 year olds birthday per her request. The previews show it as a comedy – light hearted story about a dog that is out of control – adorable dog – looks like a family movie
released on Christmas Day – rated PG – I never read the book so all I knew about it was what I had seen on the commercials – shame on me – I usually check these things out – We are the "geek" parents who don't let our kids watch PG 13 movies till they are just shy of 13 – so I let my guard down and was reminded I can't do that or my kids will suffer. My 9 year old wanted to leave about a third into the movie – we should have – I should have demanded my money back for false advertising – but we stuck to watching it because I figured it had to get better. It didn't.

Marley & Me should have been rated PG 13 due to its language, violence and sexual content not to mention the heavy emotional stories that it depicted. So if you haven't seen it yet, and you never read the book or reviews here are the 4 major parts that were disturbing for my kids (and me) in addition to the language and sexual content.

The characters Jenny & John decide to try to have a baby – Jenny gets pregnant and then they show a scene where she & John is at her OB's office for her checkup – the tech is checking the heartbeat but can't find it and says that the baby is probably turned a certain way and she'll detect it on the ultrasound instead. Then the tech does the ultrasound and pauses and goes to get the doctor. The doctor comes in and checks the ultrasound and asks how far along she is – almost 10 weeks and relays to Jenny & John sorry but there is nothing there - she miscarried and can try again in a few months. It was at this point that my 9 year old asked to go home.

Jenny & John get pregnant again and have a healthy baby boy – in order to parlay a reason to move to a more safe neighborhood there is a scene where a teenage girl next door screams – John & Marley run out of the house to her at her car – clutching her side – she states that he said he wouldn't stab me if I didn't scream but I screamed and he stabbed me so then John is helping her keep pressure on her wound till the ambulance arrives.

Once they move to the new house and have the second child – there is lots of arguing and family scenes that go on and on with the kids crying and John & Jenny losing complete control of their emotions – there is follow up discussion with John's friend Sebastian where Sebastian jumps right to the topic of divorce.

Then the final thing is that Marley dies in the end – they have him run off to "die" scene and then John finds him and takes him to the vet – the vet is able to fix his stomach for a short time frame but warns he doesn't have much time.. Marley returns home to his family and then again has the natural digression of getting older – can't go upstairs anymore so John lays with him by the fire. Then the next day he isn't moving so John takes him again to the vet – this time there is nothing they can do for him – so he is put to sleep – they show Marley being put to sleep.

My 9 year old came over to my seat and cried uncontrollably in my lap and my 6 year old stood there crying next to me saying can we go home now?

So – you may be thinking that what's the big deal – it's real life, you shouldn't shelter your kids from real life – we don't shelter our kids from real life – aside from the stabbing our family has experienced the other events and haven't hidden it from our children – but we wouldn't want to relive those moments – wouldn't want to pay money to see these moments on the big screen as a movie touted as a family comedy.

So why am I sending this email? I thought this is the best way to save someone else from making the mistake I made – save you from having to apologize to your child for making a wrong choice. At first I was going
to send letters out to Disney, the movie rating organization, etc – then I decided it would be better to email to people I know and let them know this experience – feel free to pass this email along to others you know
particularly ones with kids – there is one good thing that came out of seeing this movie – my kids will have a frame of reference when we decide they shouldn't see a particular movie – they will have an understanding that we are protecting them.

Before putting them to bed, I apologized again for making the mistake of taking them to Marley & Me. My 6 year old responded "Yeah we should have gone to see Bolt"

I'll be looking up the reviews for that.

More Marley & Me Reviews


Here's a link for reviews about the movie Despereaux.